A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
