i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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