well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
