i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
