You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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