U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
