he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
