We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
