I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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