K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
