Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
