She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
