I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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