not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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