Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up

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(805): She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up http://tfl.nu/rsnf

Replies (36) Good night (1035) Bad night (3708)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

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(267): When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. http://tfl.nu/7g2d

Replies (35) Good night (2132) Bad night (3769)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

I'll google it

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(908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan

Replies (22) Good night (5231) Bad night (1861)
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(207): View more from Maine

I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet

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(207): I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet http://tfl.nu/5wz6

Replies (12) Good night (9283) Bad night (1306)
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(540): View more from Virginia

The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.

(703): View more from Virginia

So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...

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(540): The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress. (703): So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then... http://tfl.nu/ildr

Replies (9) Good night (4053) Bad night (1207)
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(229): View more from Georgia

Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters

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(229): Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters http://tfl.nu/mh2z

Replies (3) Good night (2547) Bad night (930)
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(970): View more from Colorado

we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!

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(970): we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate! http://tfl.nu/w8sf

Replies (1) Good night (1627) Bad night (612)
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(216): View more from Ohio

Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played

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(216): Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played http://tfl.nu/8t1m

Replies (7) Good night (1884) Bad night (1130)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life

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(907): Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life http://tfl.nu/0u5y

Replies (2) Good night (1582) Bad night (543)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...

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(615): Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers... http://tfl.nu/ugq8

Replies (5) Good night (771) Bad night (439)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone

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(828): I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone http://tfl.nu/fll1

Replies (1) Good night (451) Bad night (1015)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"

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(802): I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works" http://tfl.nu/gdy1

Replies (0) Good night (692) Bad night (400)
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(231): View more from Michigan

I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.

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(231): I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me. http://tfl.nu/8mfk

Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (259)
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(302): View more from Delaware

The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected

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(302): The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected http://tfl.nu/4bsj

Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (177)
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(239): View more from Florida

You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not

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(239): You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not http://tfl.nu/vtfq

Replies (5) Good night (228) Bad night (830)

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