Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner