Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?