So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
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He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space