i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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