I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
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On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.