Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You're like the curious george of whores
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.