Texts From Last Night

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  addddeeerrraaaallll.

  (641): View more from Iowa

  ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.

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  (319): addddeeerrraaaallll. (641): ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help. http://tfl.nu/xlcd
  Replies (14) Good night (1610) Bad night (619)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept

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  (773): I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept http://tfl.nu/49pe
  Replies (10) Good night (611) Bad night (1874)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.

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  (440): we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now. http://tfl.nu/0eqq
  Replies (9) Good night (3689) Bad night (977)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

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  (712): Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it. http://tfl.nu/8ikj
  Replies (35) Good night (1887) Bad night (5135)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.

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  (682): While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird. http://tfl.nu/l3im
  Replies (12) Good night (1140) Bad night (4111)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.

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  (973): i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun. http://tfl.nu/edf8
  Replies (30) Good night (3588) Bad night (1636)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.

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  (701): He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon. http://tfl.nu/hvqj
  Replies (5) Good night (1626) Bad night (794)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.

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  (678): Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store. http://tfl.nu/d1b2
  Replies (12) Good night (715) Bad night (2253)
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  (707): View more from California

  We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.

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  (707): We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it. http://tfl.nu/1jar
  Replies (2) Good night (2435) Bad night (743)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that

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  (262): Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that http://tfl.nu/fjxw
  Replies (9) Good night (675) Bad night (1196)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.

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  (850): I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this. http://tfl.nu/urhy
  Replies (2) Good night (1164) Bad night (508)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner

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  (954): and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner http://tfl.nu/ab93
  Replies (15) Good night (1403) Bad night (972)
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  (209): View more from California

  The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.

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  (209): The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be. http://tfl.nu/3gjr
  Replies (5) Good night (962) Bad night (469)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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  (512): There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls. http://tfl.nu/qrvu
  Replies (6) Good night (1492) Bad night (526)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.

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  (414): It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples. http://tfl.nu/aueo
  Replies (2) Good night (295) Bad night (742)

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