Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair