I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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