I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
