I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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