Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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