you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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