I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
