Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
