My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
