Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
