Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
