Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
