Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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