walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
is it fun? or sober?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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