The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
