i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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