Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
