Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
