Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
