I want to walk on stilts...naked
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
