I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
