Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
