Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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