yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
