is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
