do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
