His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
