I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
