ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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