I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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