just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
