Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
