Pregnant stripper...not hot.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
