Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
