So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
