I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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