i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
