Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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