the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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