this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
