Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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