I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
