Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
