I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
