My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize