dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
