i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
