sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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