TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
