is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize