Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
