I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
