Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
