She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
