i think i have two assholes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
