he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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