Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
