At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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