I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
