Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
