Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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