i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
