Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
